The magic ring
In a land far, far away there lived three peasant brothers. Once they had quarreled with each other and began to kick down with their property. But they divided the estate not in equal parts: the seniors got a lot and the third one got the smaller part. All three of them were bachelors, so they had come together to the courtyard talking amongst themselves:
- Looks like, It's time for us to get married.
- You are all right, - says the youngest brother, - You're rich, and you proposed to the rich. And what shall I do? I'm so poor, that I have not even a flea, my only wealth is my dick long to the knee!
At that very time a merchant's daughter was walking nearby. She overheard the conversation and thinks to herself:
“Ah, if only I could get married to this fellow with the dick long to the knee!”
So, the older brothers got married, and the youngest one is still staying single. As for the merchant's daughter, since she was back home, getting married to that fellow was the only thing she kept in mind. Different rich merchants tried to propose to her, but all of them had been rejected.
- I’m going to get married, - she says, - to no one, but to that very fellow.
Her father and mother are trying to persuade her:
- What are you, fool, thinking of? Come back to your senses! Why getting married to a poor man?
- You don’t need to know why, it’s not you going to live with him!
So the merchant's daughter had the deal with a matchmaker and sent her to that guy to tell him to go and propose to her. The matchmaker comes to him and says:
- Listen, dear fellow! Why standing gaping? Go to propose to the merchant's daughter, she has been waiting for you and surely will give her agreement.
The fellow got ready at once, put on his new armiak, took a new hat and went straight to the merchant’s yard to propose to his daughter. As soon as the merchant's daughter saw him and learned that was her truly chosen one dick-to-the-knee, she rushed to her parents to ask her father and mother for neverbreaking approval. On the first night she goes to bed with her husband and then she sees that he has the itty-bitty dicky, smaller than a little finger.
- Oh, you scoundrel! - She screamed at him, - You boasted with your dick-to-the-knee. Where have you lost it?
- Ah, my dear wife, you know when I was single, I was very poor. So when going to get married - I needed money. So I pawned my dick.
- And how much do you owe to get it back?
- Not much, only fifty rubles.
- Very well then, tomorrow I will come to my mother, borrow some money, and you go and be sure to redeem your dick. And if you don’t - never come back home!
In the morning she rushed to her mother saying:
- Mother, be so kind, give me fifty rubles, I need it badly!
- Tell me, why do you need it badly?
- That’s why, mother: my husband had the dick-to-the-knee, but he was very poor to arrange a good wedding, so he pawned it for fifty rubles. Now my husband has just an itty-bitty, smaller than a little finger, so we definitely need to redeem his old good dick!
The mother, seeing such a need, took out fifty rubles and gave them to her daughter. The daughter comes home and gives the money to her husband saying:
- Well, now go faster and redeem your old dick, don’t let the strangers use it!
The fellow took the money and went out. So he is on the way thinking:
- Where shall I go now? Where do I get this dick for my wife’s pleasure? I guess I’ll go over the hills and far away.
So he is walking along short and long ways, along narrow and wide paths and one day he met an old woman on his way.
- Hello, old lady!
- Hello, good man! Where are you heading for?
- Oh, old lady, if you only knew my trouble!
- Tell me, my dear about your trouble and, maybe, I am able to relieve.
- I’m ashamed to say!
- Do not be ashamed, be brave to say.
- Well, old lady, once I boasted I have a dick-to-the-knee. I was heard by the merchant's daughter and she married me. But as the first night had come, she saw my dick was so-so, smaller than a finger, she began digging in heels and asking where I lost my dig dick. And I told her I impawned it for fifty rubles. So she gave me the money and told to redeem it surely; and if it’s not redeemed, there is no way for me home. I don't have the slightest idea what to do!
The old woman says:
- Give me your money, I can relieve your grief.
He took out and gave her fifty rubles, and the old woman gave him a ring for it.
- Here you are, - She says, - Take this ring, and remember to put it only on the nail bone.
Our fellow took the ring and put it on the nail bone - his dick had grown at once.
- So what, - asked the old woman, - Is your dick long to the knee?
- Yeah, dear old lady, even a bit bigger.
- Well, my dear, put the ring on the finger to the bottom.
He pulled the ring to the bottom of the finger - the dick stretched seven miles long.
- Oh, old lady, what shall I do with it? I’ll just have troubles with it such long!
And the old woman says:
- Put the ring just on your nail bone - it would be to-the-knee. That will be enough for you! Be careful, always wear the ring only on the nail bone.
He thanked the old woman and went back home. He walks happily that he is coming back home not with empty hands. He walked on his way and wanted to eat. He turned aside and sat down beside the road near the thistles, took some crackers out the bag, soaked them in water and ate. Then he wanted to have a rest; he immediately lay down his stomach up and admiring the ring. He pulled it on the nail bone - the dick rose up long-to-the-knee, pulled it on the finger - the dick rose seven miles up away, took the ring off and the dick became small as before. While looking at the ring he fell asleep but forgot to hide the ring, it remained lying on his chest. There was a carriage driving by with one landlord with his wife and the landlord saw the scene: a man is sleeping nearby, and a ring is shining like the sun on his chest. The landlord stopped the horses and said to his the footman:
- Come up to this man, take the ring and bring it to me.
The footman ran and brought the ring to the landlord, and so they went on their way the landlord admiring the ring.
- Look, honey, - he says to his wife, - What a beautiful ring. Let me put it on.
And immediately he pulled it on a finger to the root - his dick stretched out, pushed the coachman off the box seat and thrust out under the mare’s tail. So it pushes the mare and moves the carriage far ahead there. The landlord’s wife sees the trouble, becomes much scared and screams aloud to the footman:
- Quickly run back to that redneck and get him over here!
The footman rushed to the man, woke him up and said:
- Hey, man, come on quicker to the master.
But the man started looking for the ring.
- What a fuck! Did you take my ring?
- Do not look for the ring, - says the footman, - Go to my master, he's got it. Oh, bro, it brought us so much troubles.
The man ran to the carriage and the landlord begs him:
- Forgive me, please. Help me with my grief!
- What will you give me for that, sir?
- Here's a hundred rubles.
- Let it be two hundred, and we have the deal!
The landlord took out two hundred rubles, the man took the money and pulled the ring off his hand - and the landlord’s dick became as it was before. The landlord left, and the man went home with his ring.
His wife saw him through the window, and ran out to meet him.
- So, - she asks, - Have you bought it back?
- I did!
- So show me!
- Go into the house, the yard is a wrong place to expose it.
They came into the house and his wife is saying on and on:
- Show me, show me, show me.
He pulled the ring on the nail, his dick grew long-to-the-knee. So he takes it out saying:
- Look here, my wife.
She began kissing him.
- Do you see, my hubby! It is better to let such a treasure be with us than with strangers. Let's have a lunch quicker, and then we’ll go and try it!
She delivered different food and drinks on the table to feed her hubby. So they had a lunch and went to bed. And there he had worked so hard and great his wife with his dick, that the next three days she had been looking under her skirt because she always thought something stuck out between her legs!
She went to visit her mother, and meanwhile the husband went into the garden and lay down under an apple tree to relax.
- Well, - asks her mother, - Did you buy the dick back?
- We did, mother!
And so the merchant's wife began thinking of how to manage to get to her son-in-law, while the daughter was here, to try his big dick. While the daughter was busy with talking, her mother escaped to her son-in-law into the garden. She sees her son-in-law sleeping peacefully. The ring is on the nail bone, and the dick is hard like a stone.
“Let me climb onto his dick”, the mother-in-law thinks.
She got on and started rocking on the dick. And by a chance the ring slid down to the finger bottom and the dick dragged the mother-in-law seven miles up to the sky.
Daughter sees that her mother is away somewhere, she guessed at once and rushed home - no one’s there, she rushed to the garden and sees - the husband is sleeping, his dick is sticking up, and somewhere on the top her mother-in-law is barely seen. As the wind blows - she spins around like on a pole. What to do? How to take her mother off the dick? Lots of people came over there and began running to the spot people, multitudes, began to think and contrive something. Some say:
- Nothing left to do but take an axe and cut the dick.
The others say:
- No, that's not good! Why destroy two souls: if we cut the dick off, the old woman will fall down and will be flat dead. Let’s better pray with the whole world, and maybe a miracle would let the old woman down!
At that time son-in-law woke up and saw he had the ring on to the finger root, and the dick is up to the sky seven miles far and it pressed him to the ground so hard that there was no way even to turn to a side! He started pulling the ring off the finger little by little, and the dick began growing down. He pushed it onto the nail bone - the dick became long just to the knee, and our hero sees his mother-in-law on the dick.
- Hey, mother, how did you get on here?
- Oh, forgive me, my son! I will never ever do it again!