Talky parrot

This story had happened about five years ago with a friend of mine (let’s call him Paul here). He lived in my neighboring house on the second floor. He had a very beautiful wife. They lived well enough. They didn’t have children for they thought it was too early to have them.

And one day Paul’s colleagues made him a present (as far as I know, he worked at the customs) – a parrot – a big one, about a foot tall, probably), dazzling white with some separate brown feathers and with large feathers on the head. They said that the bird was seized along with contraband together with other animals in the worst condition. But the parrot was nursed by the customs officers, and he lived in the office of the customs about two months. They gave him the name Pete).

Paul and his wife tried to teach the parrot to speak, but they couldn’t. As Paul told us, while that bird lived at the customs, it also uttered nothing but a loud squeak. Paul talked to the parrot all the time, he turned on the recordings of speech all day long - no dice. His wife had lessons with a parrot, when Paul left for work.

But for some time the neighbors began laughing over Paul. When he passes by, they are almost poking fingers in him, laughing and making fun of him. He tried to learn why they were laughing at him, but he failed to get an answer. So, it was going on about a month or two. Then he heard that the banter was somehow related to his parrot. Paul guessed that the parrot could have learnt to speak. But he thought that probably the local boys had taught the bird dirty words. (Paul often left the cage with the parrot on the balcony; it was summer time). But in his presence the parrot didn’t speak. But the people around are still laughing at Paul. What was he supposed to do?

One day in the morning, as always, Paul went to work. But suddenly he remembered he had left some documents at home, and he decided to come back. Approaching to the door, he suddenly heard his parrot speaking, moreover he was speaking loud and clear with intonation, something like:

- Come on, now turn your ass to me.

- Your tits are great.

- I’m poking you through.

And so on, and the loud moaning as well (very plausible). Many people gathered around under the balcony. Everyone was laughing and pointing to the cage with the bird. Paul couldn’t tolerate the taunts of the neighbors (which lasted two months already), and in a fit of anger he twisted the parrot’s neck and pulled the corpse of the bird down the garbage chute. Paul explained to himself that maybe this lexicon of the parrot was from the previous owners of the birds.

And long after this incident the inhabitants of the house laughed and joked at Paul; He was very offended, he even wanted to change the apartment.

So it took about three months. One day Paul was passing by his house in the patrol car by business, when he decided to drop in home to take some documents. (His wife should have been at work). Paul opens the door of his apartment, and suddenly hears the same phrases, the same voice pitch and the same tone:

"Could it be the parrot survived and returned?" – Paul thought. “I’ve twisted his neck, haven’t I?"

Going further into the room, he suddenly sees his beloved wife and the neighbor having sex on the sofa. Paul attacked the neighbor with his fists (and he did boxing, he was even granted some boxing category) and long time he was beating him until his wife brought other neighbors who stopped the beating up and called for an ambulance. As a result, the miserable lover got in the hospital for two months with head injuries, broken nose and broken ribs.

It goes without saying, after this incident, Paul and his wife divorced; Paul had a hard time suffering about that. But then, all of a sudden, he married the second time, and after that the jokes and winks to his part from the neighbors faded away almost immediately.